Growth or Disorder: the Paradox of Stress, Pressure and Trauma
With any news story of extreme adversity or traumatic event, often the first words we hear are PTSD. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is a psychological disorder for someone who is experiencing reoccurring high anxiety from a previous distressing event. But how often does media mention Post Traumatic Growth[1]; where people experience positive psychological changes in coming to terms with highly stressful and challenging life events?
John Peters, a former RAF fighter pilot, has every right to be listed in the former category, but conforms to the later. Indeed, he holds an intuitive resonance with Nietzsche’s famous claim, “That which doesn’t kill me makes me stronger”.
This year is the 30th Anniversary of Operation Desert Storm, the military operation to drive Saddam Hussein’s Iraqi forces from Kuwait. On his first mission, aged 29, he flew an ultra-low level daylight aerial bombing mission on Ar Rumaylah Southwest Air Base. Unfortunately, his Panavia Tornado GR1 of XV Squadron was hit at just fifty feet by a shoulder-launched SAM SA-14 missile. After capture he experienced physical and psychological brutality. He came to the world’s attention in January 1991, when his bruised and battered face flashed onto television screens around the world as a prisoner of war.
‘We all have dark days. My darkest days were in 1991; I was a Tornado pilot shot down and captured and held as a POW for 7 weeks. I know what it is like to be isolated, vulnerable and alone. It is a sad reality of modern life: there is an anxiety epidemic, not necessarily in numbers but how we cope given the increasing isolation and individualization of society. And now with Covid 19, we are living in our own cells.’
How did he cope with uncertainty, uphold mental well being, and grit it out? How do you deal with the unexpected and manage the pressure? And how do you deal with uncertainty, move forward and adapt to life challenges?
“At the extreme you discover your own humanity. There is a tranquility and honesty in reflection. Calmly you accept where you are, accept your weaknesses, and it is in that moment you truly understand yourself. Then you begin to win. No should have, could haves…you start to learn and adapt to whatever challenge. We all make mistakes, we are human, but you realize that your power rests in the speed at which you learn…”
Confronting reality is vital to success. Balancing realism and optimism in a dire situation is paramount. This aligns with the Stockdale Paradox, named after the Vietnam POW, Admiral Stockdale, who described the ability to balance the brutal reality with enduring hope. Extreme experiences can illicit extreme emotional responses to which we can ascribe false meaning, which over time can develop into trauma. It is important to focus on learning from adversity rather than labeling. And the key to unlock this learning? Forgiveness. Forgive yourself for weaknesses exposed or vulnerabilities experienced. It frees you from the past, enabling you to learn in the present, releasing the ability to prepare and adapt to the future: from black box to white light.
So my personal history is in the newspapers. So what?! I have been in a museum since the age of 30! So what?! It was a seminal moment in my life, but it is history. It is a 30-year-old story! Now I coach CEO's and leaders who have no recollection or sense of atmosphere of the context or zeitgeist of that time. Why should they? And why should they care?
Covid-19 is a predictable surprise, just one of many global scenarios. The brutal facts are disturbing: an overwhelming loss of life, each a personal tragedy. But this pandemic will not be the last global surprise. However important or significant our own experience of this pandemic may well be; it is how we remain relevant to those who come after us who will have no recollection of this moment. How do we make our experience relevant? How can we capture our experience to ensure what we have learned is relevant to those who come next? What are we learning about ourselves during this pandemic? What new opportunities are emerging? How are we growing? How do we engender enduring hope?
The challenge of uncertainty is not about how we manage change, but who are we when change is thrust upon us and who we then become. Who are YOU when you are uncertain: how do you deal with surprise? And if the world is changing faster than we can adapt ourselves, then we are setting ourselves up to fail. So how are you dealing with this pandemic crisis? Are you fixed and closing (disorder) or looking at opportunities and enabling others (growth)? What is your story? How you tell your story defines your future. Are you balancing the brutal reality with enduring hope? The key is forgiveness and self-compassion. These are the foundations of learning, which allows us to grow.
[1] Tedeschi and Calhoun (2004)